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The Official Announcement

Dec 20, 2008

I never got a chance to properly announce this since everything was pretty tentative until last week. Pardon me for the late announcement.

I am currently in Paris, doing research to earn a PhD degree in Mathematics.

I stalled this announcement because I encountered lots of problems while processing my papers for this thing. And personally, I don’t know if I still want to earn my PhD. To be honest, my friends witnessed how much I rejoiced everytime there was a problem regarding this. There was even a time when I thought that this will not push through. But the fates must have wanted me to be here, badly.

My colleagues couldn’t see why I am sabotaging (in their opinion, at least) my own chance to go here. I can’t explain this myself. Somewhere along the way, I lost my interest. I don’t know if this was caused by my frustration in my teaching performance, or my performance in graduate class, or other personal factors. I woke up one day and thought that I want to quit this life. There must be more to life than teaching students who don’t appreciate what you do, studying concepts that are too abstract and are highly impractical, and dealing with colleagues who are… never mind. My hatred grew to the point that everytime they wanted me to do something, I want to do the exact opposite. I hardly go to work weeks before this trip. They reminded me how much they forced me to do this.

My friends are different. They made me realize that there is still some part of me that wants to do this. They imagine scenarios of what I could do after this stint. And the best part of it all, they made my last few weeks the best times of my life. They left good memories to remember while I am alone here in Paris. I practically cried on my last night in Manila, for a very stupid reason. (Don’t ask…)

So here I am. Alone and uncertain. I’ll just go with the flow.

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